i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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