I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
