Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Randomize
