You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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