Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
