At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
