So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
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