She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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