wanna go halves on a baby?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
