I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Maybe he injected his testicle?
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Randomize