how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
