Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Randomize
