just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
