why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Shitshow foam night was such a success
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
