I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
