It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Oh god it's open bar.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
