And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize