and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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