I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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