none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
