Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
