i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Randomize
