yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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