shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
