when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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