My nipple is on Facebook.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
