her vagina looked like bernie madoff
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
