Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
