note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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