My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
