my mouth tastes like poor choices
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
