I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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