Whod you bang
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
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