I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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