home. puking in laundry basket.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
