I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
