They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
