2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
