This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
The power of my boobs compel you
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I think I just sharted jello shots
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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