I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
