i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
