i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
