Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
