I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
