the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize