I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
