just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
