You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
