Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
