Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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