i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
