Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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