Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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