she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize