I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
im six kinds of drunk right now
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
there was a trapeze. enough said
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
