I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize