battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize