i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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