the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize