i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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