you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
