Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
