i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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