The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
