do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
