Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
