I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize