omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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