i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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