You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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