all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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