could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
