so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
