The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's shark week go big or go home
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
